An image of my Christian walk.
Spiral of wills:
For the longest time I see my spiritual growth as a spiral that rotates between two peaks of attractions: the SELF and GOD.
- I do things to please myself.
- I learn aout God.
- I want to do more good things, good as decided by ME.
- I want to do good things as defined by God, but under my own terms and methods.
- I will do God's good things, under God's terms, but still under my ultimate veto power.
- I will do God's good will, under God's authority
Basicaly these are variations of doing things with the following aspects:
- spectrum of good to bad (whether the result is beneficial)
- according to ME or God
- using methods designed by ME or GOD
- motivated by whose interest? loving ME (for my own glory) or loving GOD (for God's glory)
- with ultimate decision resting on: ME or GOD
These levels of "realms of surrender" essentially depict a growth in spiritual maturity, as I concede more and more of my self and will to God.
Ultimately, it is the passsion to love God that will drive all my actions, with complete obedience to Him, whether or not I think it beneficial, and put complete trust that God in His wisdom leads all things for those who love Him.
The recent NHF sermons, especially last week's, leading me to John 11: "Can he who heal others not prevent Lazarus from dying?" speaks volume to me: Yes, despite the seeming tragedies we see in life (basically all the evils we constantly complain about), God still has the final hand.
The new insight from Pastor Edward on John 11 led me to a new level of commitment and trust in God. For the past many years something has been preventing me from trusting in God completely, due to various situations and incidents that made me feel God wasn't there to protect me from harm.
This can generalize to many FAQ of faith: Does God care? Is God all powerful? Why is there evil if God is good?
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